TRUST AND COMMITMENT BY MR. OKANERO CHIDUBEM

Introduction

Trust and commitment are two closely related concepts. They find their meanings most especially, when we talk about human beings either with their personal relationship with themselves, the divine or with one another. This flows from the idea that the human being is a social being; in other words a being unto others. From the above assumptions, it is safe and fitting to say that, trust and commitment are the bedrock of every truthful and meaningful relationship, be it personal, human or divine. Without them, there is no relationship in the right sense of the word. Trust is a choice we make and commitment is our acceptance of that choice. There cannot be commitment without trust neither can there be trust without commitment. There is always an obligation to trust and also a responsibility to be committed to the trust.

What is Trust, what is Commitment?

Trust is a belief that somebody or something is good, sincere, and honest and will not try to harm or trick. From its Hebrew root “Batah” it means a sense of well-being and security that results from having something or someone in whom to place confidence. It is a special kind of reliance and dependence like that of a baby to the mother. It is in this sense that the psalmist re-echoes that those who put their trust in the Lord will be delivered from enemies (Ps.22:4), will be given joy and gladness (16:9 and 33:21), will know perfect peace (Isa.26:3) and absence of fear. Trust is necessary for any genuine interaction. It is built on consistent truth and faithfulness. One can be unaware of a conflict, until ones sense of trust is gone. It is a feeling of belonging, which misunderstanding or a slight change in tone or mood can trigger its loss. Lastly it is a choice we make based on the skills we learn or unlearn. It is the heartbeat of every significant relationship with one’s self as well as with others. Sometimes we become aware of what it is when suddenly it disappears.

TYPES OF TRUST

SELF TRUST

This is the ability of one to know his or her worth, what they want and how to go for it irrespective of how many times they have tried and failed. It is the self confidence that one possess what is necessary to actualize a goal. This type of trust is very important and forms the foundation for others. This is because, no one is willing to trust someone who does not trust in themselves. Sometimes our inability to trust isn’t because there are no trustworthy people around us but rather it is that we don’t trust ourselves. This lack of trust finds it foundation on the experiences we have accumulated.

FAITH IN THE POSITIVE FUTURE 

This is the willingness to go forward despite the risk of failure or loss. It is this kind of trust that enables us to try again, love again and trust again.

TRUST IN OTHERS

This means simply relying on other’s honesty and commitment to keep their promises to you. This is where one applies the first two types of trust. One comes to know when to trust another, when one can trust and believe in their own feelings and have faith in the positive future.

Commitment on the other hand is a promise to sincerely do something, keep to an agreement or arrangement. It is gotten from the Latin Committere which means to “to unite, connect or to join”. In other words commitment is the ability to unite oneself to the trust or promises they have made. It is our response to the trust reposed in us. It is being intentional about continuing in a line of action. It is our acceptance of the choice we make or have made.

TYPES OF COMMITMENT

There are basically four types of commitment when it comes to human relationship.

Emotional Commitment

This is the type of commitment that stems from deep feelings, attachments, shared experiences and emotional investments. It is characterized by strong bonds formed between individuals based on trust, understanding and empathy. It lays the foundation for a lasting relationship and also serves as the glue that holds relationship together in trying and challenging times.

Moral Commitment

This revolves around adherence to ethical principles, personal values and a sense of duty. It is the ability to do what is right in the face of adversity. This is majorly seen in those who advocate for justice and social change.

Structural Commitment

This is centered on the obligations and responsibilities that arise from various social roles and contracts. It often emerges from external expectations and societal norms. One with a strong structural commitment, honors it even when faced with challenges or personal sacrifice. It is pivotal in creating stability in personal and professional spheres.

Time-Based Commitment

This involves dedicating ones time, energy and resources to achieving long term goals. It entails making consistent efforts, overcoming obstacles and persisting through setbacks.

QUALITIES NECCESARY FOR BUILDING TRUST AND COMMITMENT

Courage

This is fundamental because trusting and committing to someone takes time, patience and energy and there is no guarantee that all will be well or that one will not regret such adventure since it is one that involves the human being who is prone to change. So one needs that courage to take that bold step regardless of the many inhibitions that one encounters.

Honesty 

This is the ability to say what one means and mean what one says. To be trustworthy and committed, one has to say the truth always even when it is difficult and in the most polite way possible. Honesty also connotes a sense of transparency and openness. Lying means that one is not trustworthy or does not trust.sss

Effective Communication

This is important to building trust and staying committed in every meaningful relationship. It is the ability to state clearly without any equivocation or ambiguity what one expects, has committed to or have not committed to in a relationship. It gives room to understanding and growth.

 Humility 

Humility is a virtue. It is also the ability to admit mistakes, show that one is human and also seek ways to redress. No one wants to do anything with a perfectionist. Humility offers room for growth and enhances trust and commitment in an unimaginable way.

Compassion

This is the ability to feel with the other, to place oneself in the others shoes, the heart to put an end to the misery of others. This attribute engenders trust and commitment.

Consistency

This is the ability to stay true in good and bad times. It gives the idea of what to expect from one at any given time or situation. It erodes double-standard living and makes one reliable.

Sacrifice 

Sacrifice involves giving up something for the greater good. It requires a long-term focus to truly appreciate the effort. If one is forced to do things they want to do or need to do, then one is not clear on what they want.

Accountability/Responsibility

This is the assurance that a person or group of individuals will deliver on what they have promised. It is also the ability to take charge and own up ones mistakes without looking for excuses. It encourages trust and engenders commitment.

BENEFITS OF TRUST AND COMMITMENT

It opens the heart to love. No one will love who they don’t trust and commit to.

It offers the ability to heal especially when one is coming from a place of betrayal or hurt.

It offers the opportunity to become a better person since one is not worried about the other

It leads to acceptance and erodes the need to justify everything one does.

It creates room for positivity rather than negativity which stems from insecurity and lack of trust.

It helps to create stronger bonds that can overcome obstacles and challenges.

It gives room for more opportunities and exposes one to more advantageous encounters.

It proves that one has attained the level of maturity

Conclusively, trust and commitment in their various forms shapes the way we engage with others, navigate responsibilities and pursue our aspirations. Self-Trust is the ability of one to know his or her worth, what they want and go for it irrespective of how many times they have tried and failed, Faith in the positive future is the willingness to go forward despite the risk of failure or loss, Trust in others means simply relying on other’s honesty and commitment to keep their promises. Emotional commitment fosters deep connection, moral commitment drives individuals to uphold their values, and structural commitment ensures the fulfillment of obligations and time-based commitment, propels progress towards long-term goals.

In trust we find our commitment and in commitment we prove our trust. Relationship become meaningful, genuine and wonderful when there is trust and trust become meaningful when we are committed to it. Through them we build a more meaningful and prosperous society that will engender peace and harmony for all. SHALLOM!!!

BUILDING A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP by Bernadette Amarachi Abani RN.

 BUILDING A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP 

  Bernadette Amarachi Abani RN.

INTRODUCTION 

Healthy relationships with your partner , friends and family members can enhance your life and make everyone feel good about themselves. They don’t just happen though; healthy relationships take time to build and need work to keep them healthy. The more positive effort you put into a relationship, the healthier it should be.

What is healthy relationship ?

A healthy relationship is a relationship that is filled with happiness, joy, and — most importantly — love.

 

Humans are made to relate to others in a positive and enhancing way but it is unfortunate this isn’t always the case. In fact, sometimes, we allow the wrong kind of people to enter our life, and our relationship with them isn’t positive, healthy, or edifying and mostly, it isn’t fruitful also.

What are the signs of a healthy relationship?

People in healthy relationships love and support each other. They help each other practically as well as emotionally. They are there for each other in the good times and the bad times.

Healthy relationships are commonly based on:

Respect

Trust

Open communication

Equality

Both shared and individual interests

Understanding

Honesty

Care

Emotional support

Shared values around finances, child raising and other important matters

What are the benefits of healthy relationships?

People who have healthy relationships are more likely to feel happier and satisfied with their lives. 

They are less likely to have physical and mental health problems.

Healthy relationships can:

Increase your sense of worth and belonging and help you feel less alone

Give you confidence

Support you to try out new things and learn more about yourself

HOW TO DEVELOP A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

Healthy relationships are built on healthy communication, mutual respect, and trust. In a healthy relationship both partners feel valued and respected, and have their boundaries respected. Boundaries can be physical, emotional, and sexual. 

   In a healthy relationship, each partner respects the other’s goals, whether they are personal, professional, or educational. It is also critical to respect each other’s need to spend time with other people or alone. The dynamics of healthy relationships can apply to intimate partners, friends, family, and co-workers.

Building healthy relationships with partners, friends and family is good for you. It improves your mood, your mental health and your wellbeing.

Maintaining them is important. It takes time and commitment. No relationship is perfect, but it is important that it brings you more happiness than stress. 

There are basic ways to make relationships healthy, even though each relationship is different

Here are some tips for a healthy relationship.

These tips apply to all kinds of relationships: friendships, work and family relationships, and romantic partnerships.

  KEEP EXPECTATIONS REALISTIC. No one can be everything we might want them to be. Healthy relationships mean accepting people as they are and not trying to change them.

  TALK WITH EACH OTHER: communication is essential to healthy relationships.

Take the time: Really be there for your partner 

Genuinely listen: Do not interrupt or plan what you are going to say next.  Try to fully understand their perspective.

Ask questions.  Show you are interested.  

Ask about their experiences, feelings, opinions, and interests.

Share information: Studies show that sharing information helps relationships begin.  Let people know who you are, but don’t overwhelm with too much personal information too soon.

BE FLEXIBLE: It is natural to feel uneasy about changes. Healthy relationships allow for change and growth.

  TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF:

Healthy relationships are mutual, with room for both people’s needs.

  BE DEPENDABLE: If you make plans with someone, follow through. If you take on a responsibility, complete it. Healthy relationships are trustworthy.

  FIGHT FAIR: Most relationships have some conflict. It only means you disagree about something; it does not have to mean you don’t like each other.

Cool down before talking.  The conversation will be more productive if you have it when your emotions have cooled off a little, so you don’t say something you may regret later.

Use “I statements.”  Share how you feel and what you want without assigning blame or motives. E.g. “When you don’t call me, I start to feel like you don’t care about me” vs. “You never call me when you’re away.  I guess I’m the only one who cares about this relationship.”

Keep your language clear and specific.  Try to factually describe behavior that you are upset with, avoiding criticism and judgment.  Attack the problem, not the person.

Focus on the current issue.  The conversation is likely to get bogged down if you pile on everything that bothers you.  Avoid using “always” and “never” language and address one issue at a time.

Take responsibility for mistakes.  Apologize if you have done something wrong; it goes a long way toward setting things right again. Say sorry when you’re wrong, this is really important as it helps heal relationship breakdowns that inevitably occur

Recognize some problems are not easily solved.  Not all differences or difficulties can be resolved.  You are different people, and your values, beliefs, habits, and personality may not always be in alignment.  

NB: Communication goes a long way toward helping you understand each other and address concerns, but some things are deeply rooted and may not change significantly.  It is important to figure out for yourself what you can accept, or when a relationship is no longer healthy for you.

  BE AFFIRMING:  According to relationship researcher John Gottman, happy couples have a ratio of 5 positive interactions or feelings for every 1 negative interaction or feeling.  Express warmth and affection!

  KEEP YOUR LIFE BALANCED: Other people help make our lives satisfying but they cannot meet every need. Find what interests you and become involved. Healthy relationships have room for outside activities.

  IT’S A PROCESS: It takes time to meet people and get to know them.  Healthy relationships can be learned and practiced, and keep getting better.

  BE YOURSELF: It’s much easier and more fun to be authentic than to pretend to be something or someone else. Healthy relationships are made of real people.

CREATE FAMILY TIME

Finding time together as a family can be difficult, but there are many benefits to regularly sharing family meals. Even one family meal a week gives everyone a chance to catch up, connect and communicate with each other.

In Conclusion,

Healthy relationships are critical to emotional connection and allow us to thrive. When someone has not had healthy relationships modeled for them, it can be difficult to have a healthy relationship. 

However, it is never too late to learn to have healthy  relationship. i.e it is never late for you to build and also maintain it.

Thanks