Introduction
For the past few weeks, we have been listening to our brothers and sisters speak to us on ways to realise inner healing or mental peace. This evening I have been asked to reflect on the healing power of forgiveness. forgiveness is one of the fundamental ways we can experience mental peace.
Forgiveness is healing. By this I mean that forgiveness brings the forgiver not only peace of mind but also holistic healing. In other words, forgiving someone who has wronged or hurt you can have a profound impact on your well-being, leading to physical, psychological, emotional, relational, and spiritual healing.
In this reflection, I intend to demonstrate the idea that forgiveness is healing under four points of inquiry. First, what is forgiveness? Secondly, why forgiveness? Thirdly, what is the healing potency of forgiveness? And, lastly, how do we forgive?
What is Forgiveness?
Experience has shown that forgiveness does not mean forgetting or condoning or excusing offences or wrongdoing. It also does not always happen quickly. Forgiveness is a process. It can take time. Forgiveness means to remember that nobody is perfect; that each of us stumbles. Psychologically, forgiveness is defined as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness. From a theological viewpoint, forgiveness is an act of grace, mercy, and reconciliation that involves the intentional release of resentment, anger, or the desire for revenge toward someone who has wronged us.
It is useful to recall here some key elements in the definitions of forgiveness. First, forgiveness is as result of human imperfections; secondly, forgiveness is a conscious act; and lastly, the desire for revenge is an impediment to forgiveness.
Bearing in mind what forgiveness is not and what it is, I shall proceed to the next inquiry, which is simply asking: Why should we forgive? Why should we consciously choose to release our feelings of anger, hatred, or vengeance toward a person(s)?
Why forgiveness?
There are a number of reasons for forgiving not just the offender, but the self (the offended). But for want of time, I shall highlight two of the reasons for forgiveness. One of the reasons we ought to forgive is the human condition. It is a known fact that no human person is perfect. And, as a result of original sin, the human will is weakened. Hence, it is possible for us to hurt, harm, or offend one another intentionally or unintentionally. If we become conscious of our imperfections, then we will always find a reason to forgive anyone who has wronged us. It is for the sake of our human condition that Jesus teaches us to say, “Forgive us our sins, for we ourselves forgive everyone indebted to us (Luke 11:4).” And “Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing (Luke 23:34).” Dearly beloved, you gain nothing when you refuse to forgive whatever wrong done to you. But you will surely experience a lot of benefits when you willingly forgive.
Another reason we ought to forgive is for the sake of our salvation and final end. Let us always remember that the end of human life is not death, but eternal life. Now, one of the fundamental conditions for our salvation or entrance into heaven is forgiveness. Matthew 5:7 teaches that the merciful, shall obtain mercy; whereas, all those who do not forgive their brother or sister from their heart, will be tortured at the end of time (cf. Matt 18:33-35). In other words, we can actualize our ultimate end only when we deliberately let go of anger, hatred, bitterness, and retaliation towards anyone who has done us wrong. The way to ultimate happiness in God is by forgiving.
Let us proceed to the next inquiry: what is the healing potency of forgiveness?
The healing power of forgiveness
I shall use a story to illustrate that forgiveness is healing. I once heard the story of a young lady, named Ella. She was known in her neighbourhood for her kind heart and warm smile. But she took ill and laid dying in the hospital for about two years. Her sickness defiled all treatments. No one knew she was carrying a heavy burden. On one faithful day, a member of her family decided to call a Catholic priest to administer the last sacrament to Ella since she was not getting any better. When the priest arrived, he looked at Ella with pity and after some time, he asked her, “Are you holding someone in your mind”? In other words, the priest inquired if Ella was nursing any grudge, hatred or anger towards anyone. After about thirty minutes, Ella decided to open up, she shared her pains, hurts, and even hatred for James, her fiancé. The priest listened attentively, and with a gently smile, he said, “forgiveness is healing. It brings peace and joy to both the forgiver and the forgiven. You should reach out to James and mend your broken friendship.” At that moment, the priest collected James’s contact from Ella and called him to come to the hospital that Ella was dying. The next moment, James arrived the hospital; and Ella, who could not walk for a long time, on seeing him, jumped from her sick bed and embraced James with her eyes filled with tears. James looked at Ella and said, “I am so sorry, please forgive me. Let’s start anew.” Within twenty-four hours, Ella was discharged from the hospital. she experienced healing, not just physical healing but emotional and psychological healing.
Let us take a closer look at the message set before us by this story. This story served as a reminder that forgiveness is a powerful balm for the soul, capable of healing even the deepest hurts or wounds. My dear brothers and sisters, does anyone harbour anger, hurt, or hatred against another, and expect healing from the Lord (cf. Sirach 28:3)? You can’t heal yourself, unless you forgive. You cannot experience inner healing or mental peace unless you deliberately choose to forgive or release those feelings of resentment, anger, hatred or revenge or negative emotions toward that person(s) who has aggrieved or injured you.
Forgiveness is healing. When we forgive, we completely release ourselves from all hurts. We are also enabled to manage anger, cut stress, and, most importantly, to stay healthy. But when we fail to forgive, we remain linked to that person who has hurt us, and it wears us down and causes us health concerns. These concerns, if left unchecked, can turn into serious health issues. Evidence is mounting that harbouring negative emotions like blame, anger, and hostility can damage our cardiovascular, nervous, and immune systems.
Dearly beloved, forgiveness is healing. Here is a litany of health benefits available when we forgive: healing of emotional and physical pain; lower heart rate and blood pressure; reduced stress and anxiety; reduced risk of heart disease; decreased depression; enhanced physical and mental energy; better quality of sleep; better daily attitude; longer life; increased happiness and peace of mind; improved relationships and strengthened connections; being friendlier and more tolerant; getting a new life; and so on. In fact, forgiveness brings holistic healing. When we forgive, we experience healing in all areas of our lives: physically, emotionally, psychologically, relationally and spiritually.
The choice is yours. Forgiveness opens up a new world of health, as well as positive and emotional freedom. On the other hand, if we choose to cling to our hurt, we can expect to jeopardize our health in return.
We shall proceed to our last point of inquiry, which is: how do we forgive?
Steps for Practicing Forgiveness
Let us quickly review what has been said so far before we look at the task ahead of us. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting. Forgiveness is an act of grace. It involves the intentional release of resentment, anger, or the desire for revenge toward someone who has wronged us. The reason for forgiveness is for the sake of our human condition and our final end. Importantly, forgiveness is healing. It opens up a new world of health, as well as positive, emotional, and psychological freedom It is in the light of these remarks that I propose the following ways or steps for forgiving the self and others.
Conclusion
In this reflection, we set out with four points of inquiry: what is forgiveness? Why forgiveness? What is the healing potency of forgiveness? And, how do we forgive? It has been our aim to demonstrate the fact that forgiveness is healing. This expression reveals itself in the litany of the health benefits of forgiveness. A continuous practice of the virtue of forgiveness gives us back our emotional freedom, physical and psychological healing, and ultimately, happiness. Forgiveness makes us easier to love, it makes life itself interesting, and it makes the world a better place. I would end with these questions: Is there anything unforgiveable? Is there any person you are yet to forgive?
We thank God for the gift of life. I also appreciate you all for giving me this opportunity to share the fruits of my contemplation with you.
DECIDE TODAY, EMBRACE THE HEALING POWER OF FORGIVENESS
Sr. Justina Ezike, O.P.
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