MANAGING ANGER AND GRUDGES: ONLINE TALK (CHANNEL OF PEACE), 10TH OCTOBER, 2023.
OUTLINE :
WHAT IS ANGER?
EXPRESSING ANGER
CAUSES OF ANGER
ANGER COULD BE DANGEROUS
A CHRISTIAN PERSPECTIVE: SUGGESTED STEPS FOR DEALING WITH ANGER
INTRODUCTION
This talk is an attempt to help us become more aware of one of the emotions with which we are generally familiar but which quite often is capable of causing a lot of harm to ourselves or to others. However, this emotion could also be handled in such a way that could lead to a better understanding of ourselves and others alike, and could be channeled into positive results. It is the emotion, called ANGER.
Although, quite often, this emotion is viewed from a negative perspective
WHAT IS ANGER?
Possibly, there may not be any single satisfactory answer to the question: what is anger? But a few suggestions would suffice here,, for the purpose of this talk.
Anger could be seen as an intense emotion that is felt when one is offended.
Anger is that “emotional state that varies from mild irritation to intense fury and rage”. It is said to be accompanied by both physiological and biological changes (heart rate and blood pressure go up, as do the levels of energy hormones like adrenaline and noradrenaline).
Anger is a natural, adaptive response to threats…which allows us to fight and defend ourselves when we are attacked.
Sometimes, anger may not be directed at any human being but to a situation
* loss of job
* traffic jam
2. EXPRESSING ANGER
a.) PASSIVE AGRESSION: This type of anger may manifest as a desire to hide ones anger and internalize it. This could mean ignoring people rather than shouting and raging. It could mean PRETENDING that things are fine.
Often, this type of anger comes from a need to be in control of the situation despite ones rising level of anger.
b.) OPEN AGRESSION
This manifests as an open display of aggression (lashing out at others, physical or verbal abuse, destruction of things….)
c.) ASSERTIVE ANGER
It has been suggested that this appears to be the better option when it comes to dealing with anger. In this case, one takes control of his/her emotions and tries to communicate them to the relevant people in a respectful manner.
d.) SUPRESSION OF ANGER
This could be a way of manifesting anger. In this case, one tries to inhibit the anger and convert it into something more constructive. The person stops thinking about it and tries to focus on something more positive. However, when anger is not given an outward expression, it could lead to passive-aggressive behaviours.
e.) CALMING DOWN INSIDE: could be another way in which anger could be dealt with. In this case, one takes steps at controlling both outward behaviours and internal responses, and trying to get the feeling to subside. Perhaps a breathing exercise could be very helpful here.
IMPORTANT!!!
It may be helpful to note that anger could be compared to a wave. Usually, there would be a peak moment, after which it would begin to decline.
UNEXPRESSED ANGER could cause create problems such as : getting back at people indirectly without telling them why; a hostile personality
Criticizing everything could be a sign of lack of constructive ways of expressing anger.
When anger is not well managed, chances are that someone would likely get hurt.
3. CAUSES OF ANGER
Anger could be caused by both internal and external events:
It could be about a specific person
A specific event: canceled flight, failed exam, loss of a dear one, loss of job…
It could be about personal problems
It could be about memories that are painful…
4.) ANGER COULD BE DANGEROUS
Some authors have suggested that anger, when turned inwards could cause illnesses such as depression, high blood pressure and others. Also, not handling anger well could make one not to have many successful relationships.
5.) A CHRISTIAN PERSPECTIVE
Despite the negative sides of anger, we need to bear in mind that anger could also be a sign of ones longing for justice. When God made man, he was a balanced creature, enabled with a sense of justice, everything being held in equilibrium. But then came sin which made man lose the original justice and original state of equilibrium.
Anger could then be viewed, in a positive sense as man’s quest to see to it that justice is done. In this sense, man does not need to despise himself nor does he need to look down on others who are unable to effectively deal with their emotions of anger.
This emotion becomes a constant invitation to keep striving towards justice, in a healthy way. To do this, the virtue of PATIENCE is inevitable.
Patience is directly opposed to anger, and acts as an antidote to it. One great way then to curb anger is to strive to grow in patience.
Quite often, we give in to anger because of one or more of the following, based on how we perceive the situation:
Someone has said something we feel he/she should not have said
Someone has failed to say something we feel he/she should have said
Someone has done something we feel he/she should not have done
Someone has failed to do something we feel he/she should have done
Perhaps many of us may have had times when we gave in to anger and later regretted it because we got to have a better and clearer picture of the situation.
The virtue of patience helps to remind us that we may not have the COMPLETE PICTURE, with reference to any particular situation, and as such, we should not be in a hurry to make conclusions.
BEAR IN MIND:
Anger, especially when it turns to rage truly robs us of our inner peace and serenity. It is also capable of destroying us and those around us.
WRATH is numbered among the capital sins, as it gives rise to other sins.
WORDS FROM THE BIBLE
James 1:20 …your anger does not produce God’s righteousness
Sirach 28:2…forgive your neighbor the wrong he has done, and then your sins will be pardoned when you pray…
SUGGESTED TIPS
VERY IMPORTANT: we could learn to ask the Lord for the gift of patience. The more we grow in patience, the lesser we give in to anger!
We could learn to ask the Lord for the grace to forgive ourselves and others
We could learn to ask the Lord for the gift of self-knowledge. For this, meditation and personal reflection are very important.
We could learn to excuse others for their faults and perceived mistakes
We could learn to delay conclusions until we have a clearer picture
We could learn to avoid hasty assumptions and conclusions
We could learn to develop the capacity to dialogue, through prayer and personal efforts
It may be helpful to seek counselling when we need it.
CONCLUSION
The emotion of anger could be seen as an invitation to earnestly strive, through healthy and helpful means towards having a more just society, for the glory of God.
This would remain a continuous struggle. There are things we can change, and we should. There are other things we cannot change, and we could learn to accept.
May the Lord help us in our struggle to gain a better understanding of our emotion of anger and to handle it well, amen.
Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference, amen.
No comments:
Post a Comment